Yeah, I’m back, bitches! Somewhere between the return of the Lorax and the return of Kenny Powers; there’s me. The return of the guy who writes about food, complains about shit and gives you recipes; when he feels like it.
I was going to signal my triumphant return with a long-winded, angry, shot across the bow entitled: “I Hate the Food Network.” I had been working on it for the past month, slowly updating it on my Blackberry, on my rides to and from work, waiting until it was just right and I could unleash it upon the world. But then I got drunk one night earlier this week and decided to delete all of my old e-mails…like an asshole. I mean, either that’s what happened, or a big yellow van with cupcakes and Dandelions painted on the side and driven by Paula Deen came up beside me as I was walking home and Sandra Lee, Bobby Flay and that no-talent hack from Upstate jumped out, drugged and kidnapped me, wiped my phone and my memory and then left me face down in a puddle of cloudy bourbon at Charlie Sheen’s apartment. But rest assured, it won't be too long before you get to read my hate-filled little rant.
And yeah, I know I’m kind of an asshole because I haven’t posted anything in a while. But I’ve also been ridiculously busy. When you wake up at ten and are in the shower before noon and don’t leave work until one in the morning…before you probably have a couple glasses of Makers Mark and then crawl into your warm bed at four; writing isn’t especially high on your list of priorities; like say: wiping the crust out of your eyes; finding out why your mouth tastes a certain way; or trying to determine; “if I have So-and-So’s phone, I really hope they’ve got mine!” might be.
But being busy also breeds lots of interesting things going on and happening to me and happening to people I know. Which in turn leads to funny stories I get to tell you; as well as a couple recipes tossed in, for good measure. So get ready for it. I’m back and I’ve got a lot to say.
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment